Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
false alarm. still invincible.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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