god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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