loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
These tits shall not be calmed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
