the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
