Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
