I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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