I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
