allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
