when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
