we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
