As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize