My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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