he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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