I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
