We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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