i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
