well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My dick has a subreddit
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
