Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros้, bitch!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize
