why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
