I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
