we have pet lesbian snakes
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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