as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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