You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
