How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
