Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize