My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
