Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry about my life...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
