I got chris browned last night
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so let's talk penis.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
