She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
