fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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