hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
