hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
