It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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