I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
