Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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