God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
