And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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