The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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