Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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