theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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