You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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