its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
