you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
