why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
