i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
