i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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