Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
