Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
