i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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