I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
