I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
