I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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