She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
where are my eyebrows?
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