Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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