Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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