you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
