I faked an abortion last night.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She bit a glass in half.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
