Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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