THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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