I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
