aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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