I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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