Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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