it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
