Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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