fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
