His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
