There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
