I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
