Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize