You're my little dorito
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
should my penis look like a turkey
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
third nipple confirmed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
