I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
