eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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