loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
