This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
