If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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